Salam guys,
Using a throwaway for obvious reasons. I hit a breaking point yesterday and really need advice from people who have actually dealt with this.
Late last year I got a solid job offer. When I got it, I made a promise to Allah that I would use my earnings properly and give regular charity from my paycheck. While I have been giving monthly sadaqah, I ended up falling into a terrible addiction with paid cam sites and PMO.
Over the past 10 months, I have wasted thousands of dollars of the money Allah gave me on this filth.
I did manage to cut it down a lot over the summer, going from spending constantly to just a couple of times this month, but I relapsed again yesterday. I was tired, up late playing games, and my brain just went completely blank on autopilot.
Every time it happens, I deal with the exact same cycle:
1. Pure guilt and fear that I cursed my own rizq and ruined my future.
2. I work in tech, so standard website blockers or DNS filters don't do anything. The second the urge hits, I know how to bypass or disable whatever guardrail I set up.
3. The shame is so heavy that it makes me feel hopeless, which ironically makes me crave cheap dopamine even more.
Alhamdulillah today I made sincere tawbah, prayed, and paid my charity, but I know just relying on willpower and regret isn't working.
Source: r/MuslimNoFap · by /u/Medical-Self-1732