I can’t just “go through the feelings” of a panic attack

"Panic attacks, while very uncomfortable, are not dangerous"

I've been suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and derealisation ever since I was 13. I take medication daily and I am now 32.

In the last 10 years it's been so much better​ and I have managed to achieve a lot, even though travelling is still hard for me and I have separation anxiety with my parents (anyone else?).

Unfortunately, this summer has brought a lot of bad news, the main one being my dad getting cancer. I went over to Italy to stay with him a bit, and I was then meant to go back to the UK, but I am now unable to go back to my life in the UK because I have a panic attack every time I try to leave (plane or train).

But what I am wanting to ask is this – does anyone else dread panic attacks not because they feel dangerous etc, but because of the *intensity* of the feeling they give?

I have been in therapy for many years of my life and so, SO many times people say "Panic attacks don't kill you, they are not dangerous, you just have to allow the uncomfortable feelings".

But how? I know panic attacks don't kill me and I know they aren't dangerous, and yet I cannot describe how petrifyingly horrible the experience is, and how, for me, that's the worst part. I am unable to just consider them "uncomfortable feelings" because, in all honesty, I would rath​er not have feelings at all than go through that. So I feel incredibly stuck.

Does this make sense and does anyone else feel this? I just feel like maybe my panic attacks are particularly severe or something – the idea of going "through the feelings" is just such a big NOPE.