I 17M and my gf 18F have been dating for almost 11 months and I have no desire to breakup with her but I feel like I’m losing my mind. Me and her are in a long distance relationship (I live in America and she lives in Canada) for almost a year and almost everything between us is great except she drinks and has very occasionally since she was 16. Something important is that I don’t drink and never will and that’s not for any particular reason I jsut don’t want to and I had thought I never would expect my partner to not drink either.
This I didn’t really know going into the relationship but upon finding out about this camping trip she went on where she had tried weed and drank, ever time I though about it my stomach would drop and I would kinda I don’t know how to describe it but twitch almost violently, like through my neck back and clench my jaw, clench my fists and other quick moves like that. Then the first time she drank while we’re dating happens and I knew it was coming and was anxious about it for weeks before. It was after party on a campground after her prom. On the night I couldn’t stop thinking about it and was jsut feeling really not good, I don’t know how else to describe it other than anxious but it doesn’t feel right to call it that. She then called me while she was there and then really felt bad and I hated it, I jsut tried to act okay and I didnt really like talking to her the next day either. Something important to make clear she was doing it illegally and there was adult supervision and also it’s not like she was wasted or anything either. It was maybe one drink or two that’s it.
I hate the way I feel when she drinks I get so anxious and upset i cry about it almost everytime and just “twitch” and I hate it. It also feels like if told anybody about this it would stupid and like I’m super overreacting to nothing. She doesn’t even do often and only with friends. I wish i didn’t feel this way and I feel like I don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this.
The next time after her after party was her graduation and this one again I was dreading for weeks beforehand and by the time it happened I jsut couldn’t hold on and completely broke down. I just layed around my room trying to not bother her and I asked her jsut not to call me if she drank but I just still felt awful inside. The next day everytime I thought about talking to her I felt a pit in my stomach and my anxiety would spike. So in an action I regret now I didn’t really talk to her that day and that really hurt and I’m so sorry I did that but I really just couldn’t.
The next time she did was when she hung out with her friends again. I dread when she hangs out with her friends now because I know what’s gonna happen to me. But this time I jsut really tried to hold and was doing good and then she called me. She told me the car her friends were in had been pulled over and that they were drunk one of them dodged rehab and the driver had no license or insurance. I’m so pissed. She then called me again a few minutes later to tell me then were arrested and taken to the station and then another guy there takes the phone and say my gf just got taken away for questioning. I jsut hang up the phone saying I’m so pissed. Im shaking with anger. I don’t really know what specifically I was so angry about. But then she calls me again i pick and and she says “it was a prank” instantly I hang up and turn on dns I was so so mad. I just first was genuinely angry at the situation for it then to be told it was a prank made up of my worst nightmares. She kept texting me and calling trying to say she was sorry but I didn’t really respond for awhile I then later that night jsut text her why and she said a bunch stuff about being sorry and then it was the other guys idea and that he made her do it, which I still don’t really believe. I ended up just forgiving her but I don’t know she never really took responsibility for her part. She also at this time felt very convicted every time she hangs out with her friends and they drink and than she can’t do it without me ignoring her or getting upset.
Then last night she went out with her friends for her 18th birthday which was last week and she had a margarita. That’s it. I ended up balled on the floor crying. I don’t know why I don’t know why this upset me so much but I just hate it. I feel stupid for reacting so strongly over nothing. I just hate me for being this way.
I don’t knw what to do anymore and I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or can see any options for me. Also she knows how I feel and what happens to me when she drinks. She obviously feels bad and says sorry and that she loves me but that’s it. I don’t blame her for not doing more because I don’t even know what I would want her to do.
Source: r/teenrelationships · by /u/AlertGuide560