Post Traumatic Brain Injury Advice

I do not blame anyone for disregarding this incredibly long post. It is difficult for me to write and articulate well, but I know it is good practice, so I apologize if this is erratic and hard to read. I am sick of feeling like a vegetable. I miss my old life. I should have taken recovery seriously. I should have listened to the people around me. I miss my old life. I miss who I used to be. I want to get him back. I will get back. In February 2026, I suffered a traumatic brain injury after falling off an electric scooter without a helmet. I was hospitalized on February 22 and had to be intubated because I was unable to adequately protect my airway. My MRI showed Grade 1 and Grade 2 diffuse axonal injury (DAI), meaning damage to nerve fibers that help different parts of the brain communicate. I also had a left temporal subarachnoid hemorrhage, a left temporal epidural hemorrhage, and bilateral frontal subdural hematomas, which are different types of bleeding around the brain. In addition, I had brain contusions (bruising) in the right frontal lobe, right temporal lobe, and left temporal lobe. My other injuries included fractures at the base of my skull, in my frontal and sphenoid sinuses, and along the inner and outer walls of my right eye socket. I also developed a cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leak from my left ear. During my hospitalization, doctors documented significant cognitive impairments, including difficulty naming places, memory loss surrounding the accident, disorganized thinking, impulsivity, and poor awareness of my limitations. I also experienced severe bradycardia, or an abnormally slow heart rate. I underwent physical, occupational, and speech therapy during my recovery.On March 4, while still hospitalized, I had another fall and struck my head. According to my medical record, subsequent evaluation did not identify any new complications requiring further imaging. I eventually transitioned to rehabilitation, where I received physical, occupational, and speech therapy. Ultimately, very little was asked of me, and for most of my time there I was in a wheelchair (unwillingly; I could walk fine, but I assume it was for my balance). Around mid to end of March, I was released and had the supervision of my girlfriend. She put a chair in the shower, helped me make sure I graduated on time, and did a lot of stuff for me. She would drive me to all my therapy appointments and help me do brain games to help me recover. All the MRI, EEG, cardiovascular, blood labs, and seemingly millions of other tests all checked out, giving me the impression I was fine and would return back to my former self in no time. It was strange because, since my parents divorced when I was 12, I have always been very independent. My mom did not see me in the hospital; she was busy traveling, I guess. So I have always had this very do-it-yourself attitude in all aspects, which sort of brings out my narcissistic tendencies. In hindsight, I was truly dependent on other people. I just wish I had realized that sooner. I had graduation coming up and a job offer I felt compelled to take in Las Vegas. I made it through graduation, not really doing anything the spring semester, having my girlfriend do most of my homework and help on projects. I had anxiety about going to Las Vegas, but I felt I did not have much of a choice. I had student loans to pay back, oh and I am uninsured (still am) so a ton of medical debt. My girlfriend was going to Europe to celebrate graduating in the middle of May (she had made arrangements to do so for a while) and around that time I stopped going to my occupational, speech, and physical therapy since I had no expectations to go or anyone to force me to. I was still scared and anxious about being by myself so I stayed with my brother for a few weeks. Then on May 28th I went to my house, packed up my essentials like clothes, toiletries, etc while leaving a lot of furniture and decor, which luckily my roommate and brother helped pack for me. Then I moved into a house in Las Vegas by myself. This of course resulted in me losing my insurance that my dad signed me up for days after the accident. I had Molina Healthcare in Arizona, which I understand was through AHCCCS Medicaid. By the way, my girlfriend and Dad had highly advised me against driving to Las Vegas alone, living alone, and I think I understand why. The job was a management training role for a large Casino in Las Vegas. Truly it was an internship, you had to be at a location, at a certain time, no questions asked, and there were really no rules. It was like rushing a fraternity. I did not get a bid. I was under the impression that the person who had recruited me to the company was made aware of my condition but as it turns out she left the company just before I started and I am still unsure if she told anyone. Anyways, during the course of the program, I definitely struggled to think creatively, communicate, come up with ideas, problem-solve, overall, I just had difficulty with different cognitive functions. I sort of brushed it off as I was just waiting to reach 90 days of employment so I could be enrolled in the employment-sponsored healthcare plan and given that it was a rotational program, I had not been in a department I saw a long term fit in anyways so I sort of just coasted. Socially, I had a hard time connecting with other interns and doing other things. A big emphasis was placed on us to go out and do things which honestly meant drinking quite often and quite a lot. Prior to my injuries I have had alcoholic tendencies but I feel like since the accident these have been sort of amplified as it is difficult to be seen as someone I once was but no longer am. Alcohol helped turn off that part of my brain which made me realize that. Anyways, I still could not really pretend to live the lifestyle the other interns and management group were. I would leave bars and clubs early, and again, not really socialize with anyone there. I recognize now how detrimental this experience was. I was just waiting for 90 days of employment to get medicated (assuming that would fix it all) because I knew that my irritability, impulsivity, decision-making, and mental health had all gotten much worse since pre-accident. I knew that and I was seeking help early on. Towards the middle of July I had made the decision that I was probably just going to finish the program through October and then make a different lifestyle choice as this one no longer aligned with my capabilities or interests. On July 26th, I was sent a text from someone on the management team to come in early to have a chat. I was a nervous and anxious wreck and feared I already knew what my future was. I Facetimed my girlfriend and shared my fear with her; however she wanted me to look on the bright side and keep an open mind. After all, no one got fired at this company like really. Imagine the worst possible thing you could do and I am sure it had been done by someone in the company before. Sure enough, I came in early Monday morning and they let me know I have been fired. They said they could not go into detail about my termination but directed me to go to HR. I did, sat in the waiting room crying for an hour, then they told me to come back a different time. I lost it. I started spiraling. No explanation. I still do not have one. Maybe the only smart thing I did during my time there was signing a lease until October on Furnished Finder, so ultimately, I, by myself, had to make it until early October. I was and am very neurotic. A lot of my time was spent fighting these mood swings. I felt occasionally I am capable and should be fine working at a grocery store or pizza shop, and other times feeling like I was not even somewhat capable. I did Uber Eats twice and was just so overwhelmed and found it incredibly difficult. I had enough in savings and utilized food assistance programs to make it through, and I did, which I am proud of. My dad (who is on his own journey at being a better dad and is doing his very best and I really appreciate all he has done for me) is renting a small house for us to give me a chance to get me back on my feet. That was at the beginning of October. I have been here since and been working to fix my sleep schedule. I occasionally bite off more than I can chew, so I have been applying everywhere, I have had countless interviews in positions I feel like I should be able to do, besides I still have a lot of debt. Even mundane part-time simple jobs I feel like I am supposed to be able to do. I just feel like I can’t. I get overwhelmed shopping for groceries, struggling with balance while walking up stairs, concentrating, problem solving, articulating, or using equipment at the gym. I was prescribed for 25 mg of sertraline or zoloft 7 days ago. I’m like, is that it? I have no known allergies. Previously I have struggled at times with balance, concentration, problem solving, but now feels especially severe. I don’t know if it is just for the first time in a while I am not nearly as stressed out about things like rent or utilities, but I feel guilty because I have taken interviews and given the impression to my dad and those interviewing me that I am, in fact, capable when in reality I am just not. I know progress is not linear, it is just difficult to not feel as though I have severely regressed, I mean the accident was back in February for gods sake. I'm just looking for anyone to give me some advice or if they have gone through something similar when they felt they could be independent for a period of time then went back to being incredibly dependent on others. I realize there likely are not many doctors on this subreddit lol but maybe someone could give me some insight into my situation? Why do I feel like I have regressed!!! It is so frustrating. I am committed to getting back to my old self. It is just really hard and it sucks seeing people my age living their best life. People see me as a 23 year old young adult on the outside and likely make assumptions about me, but in reality, I am really struggling. I want to be able to comfortably walk upstairs with water in my hand, not get overwhelmed making dinner in the kitchen, not feel incapable of focusing in the gym or moving weight. I am sick of being so tired throughout the day, yet struggling to nap or sleep when I close my eyes. I am trying to do things to better myself but it is just really hard right now honestly. I am supposed to get my dads health insurance in January so yay. I know this is a lot and I am happy to clarify wherever I need to. I am just looking for some reassurance honestly.